Managing The Frequent Overwhelming Situation
It is like a recalibration process: to adjust the view, the purpose, the mind, and the action with clarity
“I am tired; I need longer sleep before this routine starts…”
“Oh man, this project is a never-ending story, each day, a new problem shows up.”
“I don’t care about health. I just clicked my online food order. No time to cook for dinner.”
“I will read that book tomorrow; I deserve some Netflix today.”
“I don’t need to exercise today, and my body is tired enough from work.”
“That task can wait until tomorrow.”
I hated myself when I answered someone asking, “How are you doing?” with “I am overwhelmed.” It shows that I lose control of my time management, mood, and mental- and physical- well-being. I hate to admit that I am not able to organize my thoughts. The unfinished businesses (primarily work-related) stay in my head when they are not supposed to be.
“Probably after the weekend, it’ll get better.” It is not a surprise that it was not getting better; because I didn’t know what to do to improve it, and I didn’t even try to find a way to improve it. Until I was in my 30s, I told myself, “You can’t do this to yourself. It is unhealthy, and you’ll never get better if you don’t change.”
Reminiscing old memories
I have lived abroad for ten years. Before the pandemic, I went home once each year to visit my family and friends. On my fourth time at home, I sat next to my father while we had dinner and realized the wrinkles between his eyes and all-white hair. A year has been wasted without being close to them, and I miss so many things to share. When my friends and I had a reunion dinner, I realized how I was outdated in many local topics, even the new slang. The place where I call home somehow feels extraneous.
I asked myself, why am I choosing this life. From the outside — and LinkedIn profile, I look great. And I do feel great about my achievement too. But there are so many consequences to living this option. I left all the comforts and familiarities from where I was born and lived for 24 years.
I revisited my journal, photo album, and some letters from friends before I left home for the first time. This is a choice to live my dream. I dreamed of being an engineer, an independent woman, and an explorer. As the youngest and a cry-baby in the family, I heard people say that I couldn’t make it on my own. I feel afraid too. But the big dreams inside me keep pushing me towards the uncertainty and unknown.
My best friend reminds me when I feel down, “You’ve got this far. These bad weeks, they are just a temporary guest.” That’s what I need to hear. The overwhelming situation, back-to-back meetings, and increasing demands are much smaller than my original dream. My dream is to grow as a person.
Revisit the future plan
Thinking about the future is bittersweet. It triggers a sense of urgency that I should not waste my time being stuck and overwhelmed. But to exit the overwhelming situation is complicated. Sometimes I chose the “go with the flow” option, and it worked; having some time off, just relaxing, and the situation cured itself. At the other time, choosing to do this made me go into frustration quicksand that made me feel worse over time. I wish there were a rescue system that could pull me up from this.
On one of my stressful days, I sat on the couch doing nothing, without any sound surrounded, and had this question in mind, “Is this life that I will have every day? Is this going to be my future?” Man, I hope not. I questioned myself if I had any future plans to look forward to. The routine has taken control of my life, and I have no good torch to guide my steps.
I was inspired by one of the most popular TED Talk by Tim Urban: Inside the mind of a master procrastinator | TED. Towards the end of his presentation, he showed the “Life Calendar”. One box represents a week in our lives, assuming we have 90 years to live. I quoted what he said, “There are not so many boxes.”
Having a clear path to go to
I want a happy life. I want a fulfilled life. That’s why I need a plan. It directs me to navigate every day. The struggles and overwhelming situations have to be worth it and get me closer to the life I want.
Based on these thoughts, I modified the “Life Calendar” based on year instead of a week and to have four-goal categories:
- How much do I plan to save (financially)
- My main career goals
- My personal goals: to establish habit(s) — inspired by James Clear: Atomic Habits: An Easy and Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones
- My next step in creating a second profession — crisp article HBR Kabir Sehgal: Why You Should Have (at Least) Two Careers
Let me explain the first category: saving plan. It is my long-term dream to be able to travel annually and later have a good retirement. After some calculations and different scenarios, I came to a target that I need to achieve each year. This overview helps me to prioritize the expenses. In my 30s, getting good quality food is in high priority. I don’t think twice about buying fresh instead of frozen food. On the other hand, getting a new gadget is not as important as it was in my 20s when I always wanted to get the latest smartphone on the market.
I have dreamed of becoming a writer since high school. I felt like I had so many ideas all this time, but the execution was none. I put the goal into action items that started early this year. After going through my first month of writing on Medium, I realized that I need to keep refreshing my ideas with new knowledge. I can’t rely on the current sources I have in my memory. Therefore I added the actions to have a daily reading habit and talking to at least four different people each month to get new perspectives. When I feel overwhelmed writing because of work stress, I revisit this table. I saw there is a more significant reason to write an article. I am reminded of the purpose of writing.
This part has not been my habit yet: it is to check if my day-to-day activities are related to these big goals. It is interesting and worrying at the same time how sometimes I do things that are not associated with my dreams, but they drain me so much. Here is a typical example at work. I was not the main stakeholder on some topics at work, but I put all my effort into solving the problems. In the end, I was tired and did not get my actual task done.
This keeps happening because when the e-mail comes, my brain automatically tells me to work on it. There is no pause and sufficient time to analyze the purpose of what I would do. My day turns out to be a pile of tasks soon.
Indeed, it takes not more than one minute to revisit my big goal and ask a question if this task relates to it. The willingness to be able to do anything has put me in despair.
I need to process my overwhelming situation: rewinding to the past, zooming out to see the whole life I want, and bring back my sense to the present moment. It is like a recalibration process: to adjust the view, the purpose, the mind, and the action with clarity.
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